Happy Holidaze to all my Friends and growing number of Enemies. Another year has passed. CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW MANY AMAZING THINGS I'VE DONE? me neither. ...Everyone knows I love giving presents, but unfortanetly I cant wrap any this year as I've decided to become a Jehovah Witness. I've just started training for the new religion so I can still ACCEPT gifts but cant give any out. BUMMER, but I will promise to be your friend for one more year. When you send me something DO NOT ASSUME I WILL REMEMBER YOU!!! so please include your name, photo and a short story on how great it is to know ME. TIS THE SEASON! and I accept Pay Pal. -
For the many Gift Givers in my life who practically have an anxiety attack on what to get the guy who has EVERYTHING except a small penis... here is this years Santa List : (Drum Roll please!) ....Red Licorice, cement mix, Moonwalk, KY-Jelly (mine grew mold from inactivity), Graphic Designers, Cheap Wine, Partners in Crime, Golden Fluid Acrylic Paint - Carbon Black (do not screw that up), magic mushrooms, A cure for prolonged erections, A bigger sailboat and a submarine, Blue and Gray tiles, 8 x 10 pictures of ME, Lucky Charms, Renuzit for when you visit, 2 Body Guards, sexy girlfriends, One Hitter, apology from a Certain Fuck-Up and a Year of my Life Back, Bitter Mints, 65 Chevy C-10 shortbox, Clone of ME, Better Art Reviews, Snowglobes, Less Drool, More Action, Garanimals, A funner Job, Madonna to quit calling me, Underground Circus, Large Bills, Narcassitic Pleasure, personal pan pizza, and MY NAME IN LIGHTS!
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Every New Year I try to make Resolutions on how I can Improve My Friends. But it is a Lost Cause. I am redirecting my Energies into something more meaningful... ME! Its brilliant and wish I would have thought of this years ago! A Temple will be erected with several Gold Leafed Statues in MY image to Worship. Open 24 hours for those who Dream of ME in the Moonlit hours.
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